CHOOSING YOUR SELF BY CHOOSING YOUR REACTION

In life, we are frequently faced with difficult situations that present us with an opportunity to choose how we will react and what we want to create from those situations. I was recently presented with that kind of opportunity.

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For most of 2014, I battled with increasingly bad sciatica pain. I rotated through visits to my chiropractor, acupuncturist, and massage therapist. While each of these healers helped my pain for a day or two, none of these treatments gave me lasting improvement. Finally, I gave up trying to force things to get better on my own, and went to my primary care physician and asked for a referral to a spinal specialist. The spinal specialist approved an MRI, which I had done on Christmas Eve. It turned out, much to everyone’s surprise, that my back was actually fine. It was likely the GRAPEFRUIT SIZED cyst on my left ovary that was causing the problem with my back, as it was causing things to move around in my abdomen and was putting pressure on my sciatic nerve. I’ve had endometriosis most of my adult life and it runs in my family, so the idea of cysts wasn’t foreign. My Gyn/OB and I decided it was time for a hysterectomy, and to remove the cyst so it could be removed and biopsied.

At this point, I made the decision that rather than obsess over the loss of my reproductive system and be terrified over the “what ifs” of major abdominal surgery, I was going to hold a different perspective. I named my cyst Gilgabob (a cross between the epic Gilgamesh and the everyday Bob). I made the choice to hold my surgery as a Transformational Event in my life, and chose to dive into my Cronehood with gusto and become the wise elder who sees, trusts, and emboldens others to become greater. Along with the parts of my body that were being removed because they no longer served me, I declared that the self-doubt, negative self-talk, and fear that I had allowed to hold me back were also coming out during the surgery.

I asked my friends and colleagues to support me on my journey. It was interesting how many people immediately told me how sorry they were, which was not what I wanted. I wanted them to be excited about a joyful shedding of things that no longer served me, and asked them, according to their own beliefs, to send me strength, power, and prayers at the time of my surgery.

The surgery went well, the biopsies came back ‘negative,’ and the pain in my back and leg stopped. Except for my kick-ass zipper-looking scar, there are no lasting physical effects. I am a stronger person and better leader today, because I got rid of the things that were holding me back emotionally. And when those bits of self-doubt or fear creep up, I remind myself that I gave up that self-doubt and fear and that I no longer have to listen to those limiting beliefs.

Putting an end to negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can be powerful. Self- empowerment and nurturing the beautiful unique human being you are can impact how you show up in the world and lets you make the difference you are yearning to make.